Miscarriages aren’t always a tragedy

In March, Victoria and Susie were commissioned by the Fuller Project to write a piece for their special issue on Motherhood. Here is an extract from our piece, titled ‘Miscarriages aren’t always a tragedy’:

As miscarriage has increasingly been framed as the tragic loss of a baby, grief is becoming the expected response. For some people, this resonates deeply with their experience. But for others, like Alex, it does not. Some people feel sadness, frustration or disappointment, but not a sense of grief. Some feel ambivalent. Some feel relief. But the way miscarriage is now treated within the UK National Health Service often assumes a particular emotional script, a shift which is also evident in the US and elsewhere. Referring to a ‘baby’, offering counseling, and providing options such as burial, cremation or memorials can be profoundly meaningful for those who feel they have lost a child. But when one narrative becomes dominant, other experiences are marginalized or excluded altogether.

You can read the full piece here, and also this response on Instagram:

This is the first time I’ve seen my own experience of miscarriage (and ectopic pregnancy) somewhat reflected. For me it wasn’t one of grief and devastation, even though we were actively trying for a baby. I mostly felt frustration, guilt at having to ‘end’ that life (with the ectopic) and annoyed that we were set back by time… thanks for widening this conversation because I definitely always felt unusual in my experience.